PRE-AMBLE: For as long as I can ever remember the four of us brothers have always competed at everything. Whether it is backyard football, basketball in our driveway or sprinting to get into the car first. There is a natural competitiveness between us that floats that dangerously thin line between healthy and hazardous to our health. Because of the age difference Sean Neville and I have always battled against each other, as Russ and Ryan would do the same, the teams would always be paired up somehow in that fashion. For those of you who do not know us, Sean Neville and Ryan are the talented athletes, the natural ones, they pick up any skill they try and excel right away, Ross and myself are the try hards. I personally have never beat Sean at anything unless I practiced way harder than him at that particular sport. And even sometimes that did not work. Case in point, I remember when I was 12, I had practiced with the Blue Devils Swim Club for an entire summer and thought I was quite a good swimmer. Our family had gone to Hornby Island (One of our favorite places in the world) for our summer vacation and the end of the year Blue Devils Party. One day while frolicking on the beach, all of my friends in the club, myself, Sean and Russ decided to have a swimming competition. We had to swim out to this massive buoy and back to the shore. First person back won the right to an Ice Cream at the Co-op. Gearing down to my little Speedos, swim cap on and freshly shaven body for less resistance (If any of you adolescent boys out there ever have a swim coach tell you to shave their entire body so you can improve your 50 Metre Breast Stroke time by .06 seconds in the “C” Division Final of the Blue Devils Fun Swim Meet, Please do not do it, the relentless mocking you take from your friends is not worth it) I watched as Sean in his cut off pass me down jean shorts, having not swam all summer, somehow grow gills on the spot and dolphin dive his way around the buoy, avoiding Russ floating on his back buoyant from his “Mini Pouch” and kicking my tail and every other swimmers. Back stroking his way to the championship Sean took his Ice Cream, the glory and my dignity. When Sean kicked my butt the other day in the sprint off for the yellow jersey, I knew it was time for something to change.
The Birth of the SMA-BRAP
Our Baha loved a practical joke, so Baha this is for you!
Because of this lack of natural ability Russ and myself have developed an uncanny ability to CONIVE and it was never more present than today. Russ and I began speaking about stealing Manitoba from the boys a few days ago. We were tired of seeing Ryan “The OX” Mackinnon and Sean “The Fox” Neville sprint past both of us to contend with each other for the yellow jerseys. We realized very quickly that there was no chance we would ever win a province if we allowed it to become a sprint. Ross and I devised a brilliant plan to make sure we became the victors. Stopping because of the torrential down pour in Moosomin (20KM to the Manitoba Border), Saskatchewan Russ and I knew this was our opportunity to gypsy our two naïve brothers.
The night before we were leaving to Manitoba, Russ and I sneaked around the hotel room making sure that my bike was completely packed up, locked on the outside of the locked bikes and ready for a quick escape. Ryan and Sean trustingly had no idea what was going on. I mentioned to the boys that I had a end of the year review meeting with my boss back in the Philippines and that I had to be up by 5:00am to have a Skype interview with him (Just so they were not suspicious when I was up in the morning). Sean and Ryan never suspected a thing. Sleeping in my spandex and cycling gear at 5am in the morning, I slipped off quietly, jumped on the bike I was off in the freezing rain to win Manitoba.
Russ and I however felt like that was not enough we wanted to rub salt in the wound if these two athletic phenoms. Ry and Sean have known this entire trip that I have had a serious issue with Russ and his I-Phone. Anytime we have popped a tire, had mechanical issues or had to do any work outside of eating, magically Russ is on his I-Phone. If food is involved Russ is Pana-A-Go flipping Iron Chef maniac spreading Peanut Butter and cutting up Bananas. If there is a mechanical problem he is back on the I-Phone. The night before I made my escape I was sure to ask Russ in front of everyone if I could borrow his I-Phone as an alarm. As I was headed to the Manitoba border using Russ’s apparently stolen I-Phone I texted Sean Neville mockingly telling him that I left early and was going to win the province. Sean in disbelief woke up the rest of the boys. Russ the talented actor that he is played up how pissed he was at me for taking his I-Phone and sent me a nasty text through Sean’s Phone. My reply back to Russ was an aggravated one as well. With Russ and myself sending each other hate texts through Sean’s phone, Sean and Ryan definitely thought there was going to be some fireworks as they approached the Manitoba sign over an hour and a half after I had arrived. Russ using those same four power stomps he used when he almost fought Ryan hurled some insults in my direction and came aggressively up the stairs. Ryan seeing that we were about to Probert-Domi each other followed excitedly knowing he was going to get a show. If you have ever seen the movie Braveheart and the scene where the Irish/Scottish are suppose to fight each other but instead meet at the centre of the battle field to hugs and high fives. This is exactly what happened next. The last step before Russ and I collided he reached up big smile on his face, embraced me in a giant bear hug and we starting celebrating. The simultaneous look of confusion, betrayal and shock on Ry the Ox’s face and Sean Neville’s was priceless.
And so was the birth of the SMA-BRAP (Scotty Mac and Brother Rusty Alliance Pact), to similar great alliances like Pinky and the Brain, Jordan and Pippen and NWO Wolfpack, Russ and I promise to never let Ryan “The Ox” win one single province during this trip. With Scotty winning Alberta, Russ winning Saskatchewan (As Ryan was disqualified in the controversial finish getting tested by the IOC in Gull Lake and testing positive for injected horse steroids directly into his quads) and Scotty again taking Manitoba. By my count the SMA-BRAP is 3-0 in provinces!
As Sean Neville said it so perfectly this is starting to turn into the Hunger Games.
“ May the odds be ever in your favor”